Who wants to be as dumb as Focus on the Family?

21 05 2008

I got bored and found myself reading the Focus on the Family page “Condoms and Abstinence: Separating Truth From Myth” and I was blown away by the logic and sheer genius of it all. It points out a study in which condom failure rates in teens were shown to be as high as 22.5%. Well fuck! Guess we should stop teaching about correct condom usage then, after all “in the heat of passion kids are likely to forget the eight-step process for proper condom use.” Eight steps! That is too complicated for anyone to learn. So I have given it a lot of thought and realized the wisdom of this abstinence only education plan. And so I present my own plan…

Street-Crossing-Abstinence Only Education!

Did you know that every year tens of thousand of children are hit by cars; more than 1000 children die each year in these tragic accidents. For decades now the liberal elite have told us that the only way to prevent these accidents is to teach children how to cross the street safely, looking both ways, but how effective is this permissive death-wish education? Has it stopped the number of accidents? No! In the last 100 years the number of children killed by cars has skyrocketed and shows no sign of stopping.

The only solution to this pestilence sweeping the nation is to stand up for street-crossing-abstinence education. Children need to be taught that there is no need to cross the street. The block they are on is perfectly fine. Look at Jesus. He walked down lots of roads, but did you ever hear about him “looking both ways?” No! He knew that God put him on the right street and that there was nothing else to do about it.

Our S-C-A program will also offer arm and leg weights that we can tie to our children to help them remember their “Cross My Heart, Not Cross the Street” pledge. Young children are simply not prepared for the fourteen step process to crossing the street, let alone the terror of what new things they may see once they cross that street. Call your senator today and demand the end to this death-teaching agenda of the liberals and protect the morality of our children. Won’t somebody think of the children?

-Kate

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One response

22 05 2008
Mitchell

All I’ve got to say is that if it takes you eight steps to put on a condom, YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG.

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